Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
