would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
