I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
