You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize