the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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