I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
