I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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