Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
