If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Randomize
