she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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