I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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