she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
