I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.