That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing