If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow