my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
