I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
