The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
