I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
