I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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