according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
