Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
