The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
