Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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