she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
