Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
