you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
