I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
