girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
