Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
