Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
