question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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