I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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