happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
