I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
