well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Boobs speak an international language.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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