APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
