girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
