he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
