So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
