He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
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remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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