trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
