He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
that may or may not have been my penis.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
