I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
