The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
