He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have fence marks all over my body
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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