Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
