I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
