Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
