you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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