Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
