Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
