I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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