areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
