Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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