I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
