I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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