Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
