i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
