Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
