they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
