Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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