I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
