Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
