how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
