Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
