I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
