i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize