My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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