if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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