There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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