What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
