PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
