If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize