If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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