The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
