I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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