arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Found your dick twin last night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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