everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
