the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
