I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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