I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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