could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
